What would you have me do?
I don’t quite know how to explain all the ways in which the Catholic Charismatic Center in Houston changed my life. For as long as I can remember, even as a small child, I have been in love with Jesus. He has been my source of hope and strength through every struggle I have faced.
When I was little, I went to my father’s church (not a Catholic one), because my mother was obedient to him and that is what he wanted. While they lacked the Eucharist, and the understanding of Our Lady, they were very knowledgeable on the Bible. Sunday school teachers told parables using felt boards and stick figures. We read pop-up books, drew pictures of Jesus washing feet, or Noah building the ark. So I grasped, at a very young age, just how great our God is, and what wonderful things He can do for us, if we only believe.
When I was 11, I received permission from my father to attend the Catholic Church (the church that, thankfully, my mother was raised in). Even at that age, I felt his church was missing something, and I wanted to see if I could find it. I found it in the most precious gift of the Eucharist. There was no turning back from there. I read stories of the Saints and was in awe of their lives of service and faith. I learned as much as I could about the mass, the rosary, Our Lady, and every other aspect of the Church. I had so many questions. After a few years, I felt like I had a really good understanding of who God was and what He wanted for me, and I felt blessed to be a Catholic. But the Catholic Charismatic Center showed me even more.
At the time that I began attending, I was already heavily involved in my local parish. I was the Director of Vacation Bible School, taught RCIC, cantored at mass every Sunday, and did a slew of other volunteer activities. I was really “working” for God and I thought He must be so proud of me. I figured I was really making Him smile. I didn’t care what anyone else thought of all my work, I did it all for Him, but I was tired. As a young mother, I had a full-time job, a husband, a home, and all these activities on top of that left me feeling really unorganized. My husband often had to pick up my slack on the household chores, and many times was left in charge of the children after his long day at work so I could attend to all my volunteer duties. He was less than happy with me, and I felt even less happy with myself. I couldn’t figure out why. Wasn’t I serving God? Wasn’t I serving His people? Shouldn’t I be overflowing with love, peace, joy and all those other fruits if I was doing His will?
At the Charismatic Center, I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. I know that many people get excited to find out that they can speak in tongues, or give prophecy, or teach, or do many of the other gifts that come along with the Baptism. I was most excited, though, because for the first time, when I talked to God, I felt like I could actually “hear” Him answer me! It was not in a literal sense, of course. There’s no booming voice and the skies certainly don’t open up for me, but because of the Baptism, I am now in closer relationship with my Lord. He began to show me many things. He is so gracious, because He did it so slowly, step by step, waiting for me to climb them as I was ready.
He began to reveal himself so clearly in the Word. The pages of the Bible seemed to come alive! They were no longer just stories of how other people experienced God thousands of years ago, but about how He is present in my life, right now. When I was feeling hopeless, He would lead me to a passage about how He cared for me more than the birds. When I was feeling like I didn’t have a path, He would lead me to a passage about how He has a plan for me. Even though I had heard many of these stories or scriptures as a child, I didn’t know where to find them in the Bible – so when I would open it right up to one that applied to my life right then, I knew He had something to do with that!
Going to Mass became a whole new experience. The Eucharist, while always precious, held new meaning for me. The presence of the Spirit was so strong! I could actually feel it in the room! Hands would shake, people would fall, others would dance with joy, some would experience Holy Laughter. It was beautiful to see God at work in the lives of so many faithful, so many people believing that in a world of sin and despair, our Lord is still here, loving us, waiting for us to come back to Him.
The greatest part of my story, though, is that God has so clearly revealed to me what my ministry is right now. It is the answer to a question I have been asking Him since I was a child. Am I to sing Lord, lead the children, write about your greatness? What would you have me do? In my urgency to find out which calling He had for me, I spent years painfully seeking out ways to open doors for myself, and ignoring what was right in front of me all along.
I now have the joy, peace and love I have been “working” so hard for, by doing the simplest of things. I care for my three beautiful children, have dinner waiting for my husband when he arrives home from his long day at work. I clean the wonderful home that I am blessed to live in, wash clothes and shop for groceries. All this and more goes along with the most important ministry I can think of – raising up children who will spread more of Christ’s love to our world. I want my children to share the knowledge of their faith with others, and be Christ to those who do not know Him. God revealed this ministry to me through Scripture, through the beloved example of Our Lady, and through the writings of great Christian women. These women were able to use His word to clearly show me what a great ministry motherhood truly is! Of course, I still volunteer at my parish, but it does not interfere with the duties I first have to my husband and children.
In no way do I mean to imply that volunteering for the Church should be miserable or that people should stop doing it. I LOVE my work at the Church. What I am trying to convey is that God wants me to take care of my husband first, then my children, then others. I cannot minister to strangers and leave my husband and children at home feeling neglected and unloved. I’m sure this is why priests and nuns do not get married!! I hope this makes sense.
My marriage has been truly blessed because of this revelation. My husband is happy now that I am happy to be his helper. My children are contented, now that I am content with caring for them. My days are now filled with joy, rather than anguish, and I am at peace. Someday, God may have other things for me to do. I have many gifts that He can use, all of which He gave me. For now, though, I know He has me right where He wants me, because of the Charismatic Center. If it weren’t for the Baptism of the Spirit, the knowledge that I gained from there, or the people who helped me to better understand how present God really is today, I would still be just “working for God”. I am thankful that now – I truly am. And I believe that if everyone in the world could clearly hear from God what He has for them to do, then we would all be fulfilling our purpose, and the world would be a much more peaceful place to live.
Thank you,
Dafne W.
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Dafne
